Tag Archives: moms

Mom-bashing

24 Oct

I’ve had a topic come across my mind and my social media newsfeed quite a bit lately, and I can’t stop stewing about it.

Mom-bashing

Whether intentional or not, I would like to reach out to all my fellow moms, and non-moms, to knock it the hell off.  Talking badly about another woman and her parenting choices, does not make you appear any wiser, any cooler, or any more liked.  In fact, it kinda makes you look like a bitch and nobody wants to be around you.

I have friends that make their own babyfood, breastfeed, use cloth diapers, vow to never use a babysitter that isn’t family, do not ever eat fast food, do not vaccinate, only eat organic, deny their children all types of sugar, homeschool, had a natural birth, had c-sections, had tummy-tucks, don’t eat dairy, don’t watch TV, etc. etc.

I can guarantee you that nobody uses cloth diapers (a feat I would personally NEVER undertake) because they enjoy washing poop out of cloth several times a day.  They do it because they feel it’s better for their kids and they are trying to be the best parent they can be.

I can also guarantee you that my friend who is fortunate enough to have family-only babysitters will never speak ill of me for using non-family sitters.  Despite the fact that I have very little family to begin with, my husband was in the Marines and unfortunately, was not paid well enough for me to be a stay-at-home mom, so while moving around the gulf/east coast, I was not blessed with that choice.

I should’ve tried harder to breastfeed.  Well, I’m happy that your breasts are glorious milk-fountains that would be the envy of every wet-nurse this side of the 18th century, but, after hooking my breasts up to a machine for an hour at a time to get maaaaaaybe an ounce, I gave up.  There were better ways to spend my hours caring for my children than to sit around like an unsuccessful dairy cow.  Plus, I enjoy adult beverages, and that’s not conducive with breast feeding, or so I’ve been told.

I have had (many)others say hateful things about some of my different parenting choices.  But they can go bark up another tree.

My point- every parent is different, every one of us is trying to do our best.  There is a difference in having a discussion with another mom and sharing your information, and “bashing”.   So stop.  Unless there is some sort of imminent danger to the child, please, feel free to share your views, your information, your opinion (as long as it’s not shitty) and discuss.  But you are not better than me and I am not better than you.  Kthanks. 🙂

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Am I being Bullied?

5 Nov

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These days, anti-bullying is HUGE in schools.  And I see so much less bullying with school-age kids than what went on when I was in school.  Hoo-Ray for our accepting, loving, good-hearted kids!

Now…..what…about…the parents?

*gasp*

cryingmomWe suck at this sometimes.

I realize that nobody is perfect.  Everyone (especially us girls) gossips sometimes.  But there is a big difference between that…….and a Mom Bully

 

 

First….let’s look at what I feel is a big cause of MBs. (Mom-Bullies)

An actual disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may be the cause. NPD is a malady that manifests in feelings of an elevated self-worth and ideas of being better than others. They are often possessed with fantasies of being brilliant and powerful with special qualities. They have a tendency to exaggerate their own importance, a sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy. Those with NPD in reality have a low self-esteem and difficulty accepting criticism. They need to be constantly praised and admired to feel good about themselves. When they do not receive the attention they believe they deserve, they demean and degrade others, become arrogant, envious and haughty.

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And now, my situation

I am in a unique situation where an actual Bully has made it look to others that it is in fact I that am a Bully and…… I actually have people that are FRIGHTENED of me.  (Oh! And apparently has a HUGE issue with the fact that I do Fun parties on the side.)

My first instinct was “F this, I quit!”

I volunteer my time.  I am not on a dance moms reality show where I get paid for my drama-filled experiences.  Why should I put up with drama from a mom who is CLEARLY miserable herself?  (And maybe wishes she WAS on such a show)

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Because my child enjoys me helping at the school.  And I enjoy helping at the school.  And I enjoy spending adult time with my friends.  (even though we’re surrounded by kids) And I refuse to sit around and let other parents (or even staff) feel uncomfortable talking to me, coming to me with questions, asking me for help, or being around me…..like I’m some kind of monster.

I am a big advocate of supporting one another in life.  ESPECIALLY us women.  I have a lot of friends who own their own businesses, are in direct sales, or are even going through hard times.  What kind of person finds joy in breaking down others?

What kind of person indeed.

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If we were students, I’d fill out a bully form.

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Some enlightenment that has come from this:

  • Is THIS is why it’s so difficult for me to convince parents to join our PTO?  Because it’s someone’s mission to spread lies and misery around all of us like some sort of plague?  Because she has such a NEED to be someone important that it crushes her that she’s not “small-town famous”?
  • To tell another person that “nobody likes her and she can’t trust anyone but her”  Is like…..something out of a horror film or mommy dearest.
  • I really like almost all of the ladies on our board.  No, that’s not a lie, I just lucked out I guess!  I am close with several of them, and am thankful for our friendships.
  • I am HAPPY for my friends that have overcome hardships, and I will not think any less of them because they endured it!  And it’s REALLY nasty to hear someone spread someone’s deeply personal past around to the general public for the sake of your entertainment and to fill your need bucket to belong and feel important because you know something.

 

Something that needs to be clear to you if you are in my life:

A lot of my friends work and cant make it to everything, or have a small baby and no sitter and can’t make it to everything, or a sick parent they take care of and can’t make it to everything.  Or prefer sitting at home picking their nose and can’t make it to everything.  The reason that parents can’t make meetings, or events, does not matter, and it’s none of my business.  That does not make me a better parent than they are.  When I have to pick a friend up from the airport and can’t make a meeting…..that does not make anyone a better parent than me, either.

My husband’s job affords me to not have to work, and that doesn’t make me a better mom than anyone.

My kids eat processed cheese, and that doesn’t make me less of a parent than anyone. (threw that one in there)

All of us parents TRY the best we can.  We should help each other, and empower each other.  We should encourage each other and build each other up.  NOT tear each other down.  NOT make someone feel bad or like less of a parent or person!

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My choices:

  1. Go to our principal and report something? (what do I report?  Mommy Bullying?  Doesn’t that seem ridiculous?)
  2. Sue for defamation of character? (seems a little excessive)
  3. Ignore it (because she clearly craves drama, and confronting it would fill her need bucket?)
  4. Confront her at a meeting? (in front of most people she has spread her lies to and about so she will not be able to deny it?)
  5. Confront her privately? (So she can deny it, then twist things around and continue her plague?)

 

At the end of the day, she doesn’t affect my life in any way, other than making me laugh.  (A Lot)

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To ANY parents reading this….please don’t let this happen to you.  Do not let someone else’s misery affect your life in any way, and take it as a lesson to not believe what people tell you about others.  Don’t ever feel uncomfortable coming to YOUR child’s school.

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It’s SO HARD to resist lowering myself to the well-deserved verbal abuse that would take place were I just a little less mature.

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