She’s gone

9 Jul

My mom is gone.  My beautiful, supportive, goldenhearted, self-destructive mother has left me alone in this world.   

I didn’t know she liked to line dance.  Why am I finding this out now?

She is 54 years old. And she left me.  My Nana is gone.  My baby brother is gone.  My mom is gone.  

She was an amazing woman despite her faults.  No matter who you were, she’d give you the shirt off her back to help you.  I always knew I had her, even though we weren’t speaking.  There’s just something there knowing that your mom is out there somewhere and that she’d be there if you needed her.  

She taught me how to be a sister to my cousin because neither of us had one. She taught me how to be pretty.  She taught me ho to love my children unconditionally no matter what and to never judge them for their mistakes.  

She loved me and was proud of me no matter what I ever did.  

She wasn’t perfect, but she was strong and amazing.  And I’l remember her for all of that,

I never thought I’d have to type this at this age, but I guess death doesn’t care about age limits.  So I sit here, yet again, preparing for a funeral for someone I did’t think I’d lose…. picking out her best pictures and finding memorial appropriate songs for her.  

WHAT THE FUCK

She was my mom.  She did my hair for dance class.  She took me trick-or-treating.  She made me ride roller coasters.  She made sure I got to buy abercrombie clothes for school even though we were broke.  She welcomed my friends no matter what gender, race, or background.  

I might have had to support myself and grow up a little on my own, but there was always a comfort knowing she was here.    

And now she’s gone.  

Her own personal demons took ahold and never let her go.

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